January 25, 2012
play day.
This kid is crazy. And beautiful and sweet and stubborn and adorably clingy on my afternoons off. And she was thrilled to spend the time off last Tuesday with me.
We didn’t do much, but between Chapstick applications and singing her Boom Boom song (Nicki Minaj!) and sneaking sips of Dr Pepper, we had lots of giggles and aunt/niece time. I wish I could take more days off just to hang out with her.
January 24, 2012
g,
I am so proud of you, for so many things, but mostly for today. Today is a day that I hope we celebrate many times in the future because really, if you hadn’t been there & gone through life as it was, we wouldn’t be here as good as we are. And I can’t imagine what my days would be like without you.
ily.
January 24, 2012
1.27
It has been one year since Jake B. passed away, and I can still feel the shock I felt that morning when Aaron texted me. The panic and confusion. Blood clot? Stroke? He was paralyzed, but he didn’t have to be dead too.
I think of him often, more on days when I am frustrated with sitting all the time. Because he was too.
I just hope he found some peace with his life before he died so young and didn’t feel lost or angry like I know he had before. Things that weighed heavy on him, I hope, were lifted and that he is somewhere still running around, laughing and loving. He deserved that much at least.
RIP Jake. I miss you.
January 23, 2012
good weekend.
+ Nuclear Cowboyz with the crew. So much fun.
+ Looked at this gun. I don’t really know why I want one so bad, but I do.
+ Power & Light and dancing and laughing.
+ QT food.
+ Good sister convo on the way home from KC.
+ Pictures.
+ Dinner at Grant and Shannon’s.
+ Cracking up at Myles. That little guy is funny.
+ Not enough sleep, but plenty of fun. <3
January 20, 2012
1.19.12
2 months
and a few hundred smiles later,
here we are, still going
in the direction of optimists.
Forward is such a
good feeling,
and it’s just you
and me.
January 19, 2012
sneak peeks.
Projects coming up.
There has been a lot of paint and beads and quiet around here.
I thrive in the quiet places where my thoughts can be thoughts and turn to creativity, not just jumbles of words or bits of music or screaming neighbors. It is good to have that part of myself. Whatever that thing is that might be bothering me, the quiet is where I sort it out; it’s where I fix things. Ideas take shape and smiles happens. It’s where plans and lists are made.
With things so crazy busy & ridiculous, I needed something a little bit crazy busy creative.
January 17, 2012
headline.
Right there in black ink
across the top of seedy aged paper,
the kind that leaves black smears
on cheeks after fingertips
have soaked up all that truth,
were words that stopped my next breath
and shredded my heart into nothings.
Saturday night
took you away.
January 15, 2012
january 15, 2012.
Nothing about today really feels like January or winter. Nothing about the sunshine or 60 degree weather screams that snow should be on the ground, and we should be bundled up in scarves and mittens.
But I won’t complain because I am soaking up vitamin D and camera time. And Beauty and the Beast 3D with the girls.
After such a hard week, I am happy to have had such a good weekend with the people I love.
January 10, 2012
go.
Life takes me
without asking,
blindfold and silence,
and all I can do
is wait and go along
for the ride.
January 9, 2012
seriously.
Um, have you seen these? Custom Chucks. I mean, CUSTOM CHUCKS! It is so on my to-do list. Not necessarily red and blue since I already have my Jayhawk Nikes, but something.
January 7, 2012
thoughts.
+ Carrie = sick. My head feels like it might explode, but the cold medicine is quickly becoming my best friend. Tomorrow hopefully will be better.
+ G has me thinking of a new camera again. And that is bad news because I might splurge and just get one. Must. keep. impulses. in. CHECK!
+ Sons of Anarchy is amazing. I should have listened when everyone told me to start watching it. Now I am caught up on all 4 seasons and have to wait until September to see new episodes. It may be a long 9 months.
+ Work this coming week will be crazy, exhausting, and annoying. Just like the past week was thanks to an audit. I’ll be so glad when it is over.
+ oh btw, where is winter?
+ Life (besides the work stress) is amazing. I thought I knew happiness, but this is about as good as it gets.
+ Figured out a project for my sister’s birthday present…she’s gonna love it.
January 6, 2012
1.6.12
The dark swam all around
gliding between our fingertips
with a silkiness of skin
and lingering on the shallow breath
held between your mouth and mine.
It saw more than we meant
but it is our good luck that
the night can’t tell secrets.
January 5, 2012
Kendall,
You makes me laugh constantly, and I’m sure you have sugar and glitter running through those little veins. You sparkle wherever you go.
Happy birthday, sweet girl. Aunt Carrie loves you.
January 2, 2012
it’s a new year.
Usually around this time just after the first of the year, people start posting their new year’s goals or word for the year or something along those lines. And for the past few years, I have done the same. Goals for the year. I never finish all of them. I usually forget what they are after about mid-year and give up anyway.
This year, I’m not.
No goals, no pressures, no I-have-to-get-this-done-because-it-is-on-the-list things.
This year is about not being held back.
I am going to go with what feels good and makes me happy at whatever time it is happening. I am learning that going with the flow is sometimes better than a planned to-do list.
And it starts right now.
December 31, 2011
goodbye 2011.
2011 was a good year. It had its up and downs, but it was definitely not the worst. I do think it felt like one of the fastest years of my life. Where did all that time go? Is that why I feel like I haven’t actually been able to breathe? No time for breathing when life is happening and people are more important than counting minutes. 2011 was good, but I am looking forward to toasting to 2012 tonight.
I have changed a lot this year. I have grown and realized that I can’t be the person I want to be by holding myself back. Being assertive was always hard for me, but I can see that part of myself now. And I am proud. I hope I can continue that.
2011 was this:
+ A land purchase. Big leap.
+ Layla and Hailey were born.
+ Being hired permanently.
+ Surgery. Pain. Healing.
+ McDreamy moment. So embarrassing.
+ iPad. That thing is still amazing.
+ 4th of July family reunion. So fun and crazy.
+ Lost 2 friends, Mark and Jake. Sad.
+ Forgave and forgot.
+ Rapping Super Bass in the van by myself.
+ Becoming a Pinterest addict.
+ Date nights.
+ Birthday walks home from the bar.
+ Weller’s Thirsty Thursday nights.
+ Lonnie Q’s BBQ for lunch.
+ Twisted Christmas at The Midland.
+ Quiet afternoons in my office. Only me and my iPod.
+ Achy fingers HATE. hate. HATE.
+ Adele music. Love.
+ Cutting negativity out.
+ Laughing with long lost friends.
+ Gaining weight. 6 whole pounds.
+ KU shoes.
+ Finding a guy worth keeping. FINALLY.
+ DIY projects. Another addiction.
+ Gaining responsibility at work.
+ Christmas love.
December 27, 2011
first visit.
These people were his
and the way he laughed
and looked at me
from across the room
took away any doubt
that I should be anywhere
other than here.
Right here.
December 22, 2011
thoughts.
+ It has been a long week for only a four-day week. Not enough sleep and too many annoyances. And I want summer back.
+ I have to force myself to keep quiet when people come into my office, look around, then ask why I don’t have any chairs. There are 100+ smartass comments I could make, but I stick with “because you people would stay!”
+ When I am eating a candy bar, it usually means two things: it has been a rough day, and you better not fuck with me. Few people learn this lesson very quickly.
+ I have been doing very little to my hair during the week, and it feels healthier than it has for a long time (besides needing trimmed). I might have to cut back on skin products too…just to see what happens.
+ I heard Jesus Christ by Brand New and immediately thought of Jake. He loved that band. I can’t believe it has been almost a year since he has been gone.
+ Chiefs beat the Packers. Just thought I’d remind everyone. :)
+ I can’t believe Christmas is almost here. This year I am so ready and not ready at all. I think I missed some of 2011 because it seems super short.
December 21, 2011
2012 diy planner.
I have been on a complete DIY kick for the past year or so. I think that is evident, and usually when I do something, I always want to change something about it after about a month. This project is something I am happy with, though, because it is simple, clean, and doesn’t have anything extra that I won’t need later on in the year.
It was the first project with the Zutter binder, and even though it isn’t perfect, I am happy with it. Pretty decent for a first try. I used old Audrey Hepburn (I just love her) calendar pages to cover chipboard for both the front and back covers, and designed the inside pages in InDesign & printed them out on regular copy paper. I was going to go with cardstock, but the book would have been much bigger and bulkier. And who needs that from a planner?
I also put a divider in for a “blog” section. A good place to plan posts and write ideas and thoughts. I only wish I had put more paper in it because I bet it is going to fill up fast.
The chipboard was a little bit hard for me to punch holes into, mostly because I had the Zutter sitting on my desk, which is pretty high. I should have had it on a lower surface to get better pressure. But whatever, lesson learned.
I then put washi tape on the front covered, painted over it, and used a Hambly lace rub-ob and vinyl numbers for decoration. I love it.
December 19, 2011
random things.
+ I only have a super small tv in my room because I rarely watch it.
+ I use one specific kind of mousse in my hair because everything else makes me hair crunchy.
+ Sharpie pens and Uniball Power Tank pens are my fav. Rarely use anything different.
+ I think magazines smell good. They have a unique smell.
+ Gas station door handles creep me out.
+ I have a few OCD tendencies, but I call them superstitions.
+ There isn’t much that I don’t tell my sister. Good or bad.
+ I wish I had taken better advantage of life before I started a full-time job. Like sleeping in super late.
+ Water is my favorite beverage, followed closely by Dr Pepper.
+ I think it is completely possible to love two people at one time, but it shouldn’t be acted upon.
+ I carry ibuprofen with me at all times.
+ Big watches make my arms look not-so-tiny, so that’s all I wear.
+ At work, sometimes I want to just shut my door and cry. I hate being an adult sometimes.
+ If my iPod ever craps out, I will cry harder than if my kitten had been run over.
+ I never sign up for in-store credit cards, even if they offer a discount. Credit cards are trouble.
+ I am in desperate need of an iPhone. I hope May hurries for my upgrade.
+ I wish I could BEAT THE CRAP out of someone (anyone) sometimes. I need some anger outlet or something. lol
+ Winter makes me hurt. Like, physically ache. I hate it.
+ People who stare make me nervous and piss me off.
+ I say “dude” a lot when I drink.
+ Word games are my favorite.
+ Skor candy bars are my favorite, but I rarely eat chocolate. Or candy at all.
